Corythosaurus: Cory J. Herndon's Blog

Class Clown

2008-06-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, just a little more Carlin. This isn't live stand-up, but rather the Class Clown album in its entirety (finishing off with the original 7 Words). I listened to a shoddy cassette recording of this album approximately 47,000 times before it broke. The YouTube user who posted the album has turned off embedding, so here it is in delicious link form.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

George Carlin 1937-2008

2008-06-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

George Carlin just passed away, a fact about which he's either completely oblivious or (more likely) extremely pissed. Now, I could post his thoughts on death, or politics, or religion; the 7 Words are always popular, and nothing beats the old "stuff" schtick. But the one time I saw him perform (in Vegas, in '99 or '00, I think) he finished with the Baseball and Football routine, which was and remains my favorite.

Be excellent to each other.

Code Monkey Live

2008-04-28T20:44:00.000-07:00

So I posted my first video on the "U-toobs" all the kids are talking about these days--a video of Jonathan Coulton and Paul & Storm at the Triple Door show Saturday night. I have a few more (it was encouraged, as one might expect) but I'm having trouble getting the Mac to upload them so it's taking a bit longer than I'd thought.

I'd like to note I was using an upside-down pint glass as a tripod. Also, the rabid laughing drunk? That's me.

Good Ol' Windows

2008-04-16T18:33:00.000-07:00

Man, is that something I never expected to type.

So I was in a recording studio with Flying Lab Sound Designer/Director/Engineer Jaclyn Schumate today. Jaclyn booked Seattle's Pure Audio, which was run by a stellar group of people and were incredibly understand and generous, going so far as to include delivered lunch and regular coffee runs as part of the overall service; I got to watch really talented actors (including a few friends) perform lines Chris Pramas and I had written; I got to sing one of my favorite shanties for the game. A good, if lengthy, day. The actors were amazing, their improvisations were better than anything I'd written, everyone seemed to have a great time.

Early that morning, I thought I had a brilliant idea, truly I did: To use my little snapshotty digital camera to record short little web interviews with the voice actors along with some video of them performing in the studio. I had a tripod, after all. And since I was bringing my MacBook, I'd be able to empty the little camera when it was filled up with .avi files. No problem!

And then with the problems. Not with the actors, or the recording of audio, but with my precious side project, the thing justifying my presence as more than just the guy saying "Couldn't she punch that second 'GYARRGHH!' a little more?" Unfortunately for my heart, which belongs to Apple--as opposed to my head, which tends to line up more with Microsoft--that problem seemed to lie in the MacBook.

My 2-year-old MacBook automatically tries to download the images from the camera. It used to try and use the proprietary Fuji software, but I set it to use iPhoto and that seemed to work fine in Hawai'i. And sure enough, after a couple of hours in the studio the camera was full. The camera and MacBook instantly made friends, and soon the laptop contained all the photos I'd taken that morning, as well as leftover action movies of our cat Remo chasing a laser pointer and my first voice actor interview of the day with former Pirates of the Burning Sea producer John Scott Tynes. So far so good.

Three more interviews, time to empty (I only have a 1GB card in the Fuji). I hook up the camera, the Mac loads up iPhoto, I click "Import," and...nothin'. For like, five minutes. Then the program shuts down, though it still indicates there are videos on the camera.

I have several minutes left on the camera, and reckon I can fit at least one more interview. Maybe something screwy is going on that will be fixed by recording more, I inexplicably reason.

This time, some success. The camera spits up a single photo and one more voice actor interview, strangely the third one I'd done and not the second. From there on out, for the rest of the day, no dice. "Import." "Preparing to import..." "Three items to import." "Import." "Preparing to import..." "Three items to import." "Import." "Preparing to import..." "Three items to import."

I ended up managing to cram the last interviews into less than four minutes, which fit on the camera. And I thought, for the first time in many months, "I'll be Windows can fix this." Yes, Windows XP, the once-maligned-but-now-we-realize-how-good-we-had-it version. I got home from the studio, walked up to my 4-year-old desktop PC, and said "Surprise me." Well, I figuratively said that by hooking up the USB cable. Then, in what was in fact no surprise at all, I saw the Fuji camera as just another drive I could open in the My Computer explorer window.

I opened it. The files were inside it. I dragged them to a folder on my desktop. They copied in about three minutes. I unhooked the camera, put the video files on a flash drive, and will now use a similar procedure to move the files onto the Mac where I can (hopefully) edit everything into something that will appear on the PotBS website.

Why couldn't I do the same thing on the Mac I did on my PC? I have no idea. I thought Macs invented that deal where whatever you've got hooked up or plugged into your computer appears on the desktop. I thought that was why it was a freakin' desktop. Instead, the Mac keeps forcing me to open a program that clearly doesn't want to move video from my camera to my laptop. I close the program down, but the camera doesn't appear as a peripheral or anything.

My point? Macs are like older, overprotective siblings who do everything for you so you won't put your eye out, kid, while you're playing with all that fancy whizbangery (and I do appreciate that whizbangery). PCs are like younger siblings who borrow your car, destroy it, and force you to rebuild the thing yourself, learning how it works in the process. Either way, you have to live with 'em both.

Aaaand...We're Back!

2008-03-16T02:15:00.000-07:00

Which is to say I'm back, hopefully with some semi-regular posts here and over at Seattle Under Siege!

Been a lot going on around here. I've recently gotten a promotion to lead world designer at Flying Lab Software, where my focus is on Pirates of the Burning Sea (on sale wherever fine MMOs are sold (and online, too, which is probably redundant). The second Lorwyn Cycle novel I wrote with the talented and steel-livered Scott McGough is on sale now--it's called Morningtide and you should buy several copies for yourself, our friends, and your family, once they all stop fighting each other for the copy of Lorwyn (Book 1) you bought. See how it pays to buy in bulk? And don't forget to keep your eye out for Eventide, the last book in the set (also written with McGough). And somewhere in there is an anthology I can't seem to find on Amazon that will contain a novella Scott and I wrote--it'll connects the two 'tides.

I also got married to my girlfriend of some 15 years. We figured it was time to end the "will they or won't they?" speculation when it was least expected--long after anyone was asking. We're very happy and so are the cats, who no longer have to deal with the psychological torture of being from a broken home. Good kitties.

All shilling and wedlock-boasting aside, I turned 36 today and will soon be sleeping the sleep of the just, so I think that's all I got for now--but if you are actually interested in what I'm doing, check back soon. I'm tanned, rested, and ready--I don't intend to let another six months lapse before posting again.

Lorwyn Book I On Sale Now, Fat Pack On Sale Soon

2007-09-13T02:19:00.001-07:00

I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that my first co-written novel (co-written with my supremely talented friend Scott McGough) is now on sale at finer book sellers everywhere. That probably includes your comic, card, and hobby shops, and wherever else Magic: the Gathering-related items are sold. Lorwyn should also soon be available (in October, if I don't miss my guess) as part of the Fat Pack if you reckon you'll want some delicious cards and strategy to go with your fiction.

Don't forget to place your pre-order for Morningtide (Lorwyn Book II) while you're at it--my cat told me you should, and it's best not to disagree with him. I once saw him cut a man's jugular just for snorin' too loud.

HernCo Enterprises, 2001-2007

2007-09-13T01:38:00.001-07:00

It's with a heady mix of ambivalence and relief--I never posted on the thing anymore, it was hideously ugly thanks to my nonexistent web design skills, and it was a minute but unpredictable drain on my checking account that always hit at the worst time--that I announce the unsung demise of HernCo Enterprises (hernco[dot]net). That also means the end of the cjh[at]hernco[dot]net email address, so I'll be using coryjherndon[at]gmail[dot]com as the primary address for all things related to this blog. Drop me a line sometime, I'll probably check that address at least once a month. I swear. (Especially if someone can tell me why I'm writing [at] and [dot] instead of nifty symbols like "@" and "." I mean, when did we all start doing that? Or is this some elaborate practical joke?)

Whatever the case, HernCo Enterprises was my first attempt at collecting all of whatever there was about me online in a single place, and it's going to be a job of work to replace the links I used to keep there. But ultimately it was for the best. If you never saw it, imagine Ain't It Cool News circa 1996 (or 2007, actually), but using only solid colors that are most charitably described as Joker-ish and a textual appeal that truly lived up to the GeoCities name, for of course it was one of those. It was also a "small business site" through which I never sold anything and did I mention the GeoCities?

It was my first real attempt at that sort of thing, and ol' HernCo will have a spot in my soulless android bosom for many of your Earth years to come. That said, if you're someone who was emailing me via the hernco.net address or actually visiting that site in the hope that it might be updated someday--and seriously, if it's the latter, what's wrong with you?--now's the time to stop and switch over.

So long, self-important home page. May flights of ninjas, monkeys, and flying ninja monkeys (which really goes without saying, seeing as how the ninjas, monkeys, et al were already organized into "flights," implying the act of flying) utterly erase your existence from the Internets. Except the part where I continue using "HernCo" as a header for the news links.

William, If You Please...

2007-06-28T15:21:00.000-07:00

Handed off my last chapter to McGough, who is painstakingly stitching together the rest of the draft for tomorrow's hand-in. Scott McGough, my friends, is a class act.Now ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, like many of you I've gone for the quick and easy Shatner video embed. Your Rocketmans (let me show you them)and your Hookers, T.J.. But this? This is magic.

Dramatic Chipmunk

2007-06-20T17:20:00.000-07:00

Nope, still hasn't gotten old.

Thanks, Boing Boing!

There Are Those Who Call Me...

2007-06-01T21:35:00.000-07:00

Captain Tom Flint

"Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!"

Yar. Go read me first mate S.P.'s Pirate Master blog at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. All ye who don't be cursed! Cursed, I say, by Cap'n Tom Flint!

Jose Chung Taught Me to Read

2007-05-29T08:37:00.000-07:00

Here I haven't posted in a couple of weeks and once again death drives me to do so. This time it's the passing of Charles Nelson Reilly, who I discovered--as many did--on the classic game show Match Game. He was a regular fixture in the upper right seat, (presumably) drinking cocktails with the rest of the loutish band of miscreants like Richard "Newkirk" Dawson, Fannie "Fried Green Tomatoes" Flagg, and Brett "I Married Jack Klugman" Summers. I watched this game show a lot as a kid, even before I entered the public school system proper, and I'm convinced that Match Game and Charles Nelson Reilly taught me to read (with a little help from The Electic Company, but that's another post). These happy, laughing people making jokes I didn't get (and later, would be glad for not getting) saying a word and then holding up a card with that word on it? That's edjumacational.

Years later, in the late '90s, I wrote my first (and as yet, only) produced play--a piece of goofy, amateurish late-night comedy called The GenEx Files. Naturally I had the opportunity (as one might imagine) to watch a lot of the TV show with the similar name. And there, again, was Charles Nelson Reilly, playing a conspiracy-minded writer named Jose Chung in one of the classic episodes written by Darin "Flukeman" Morgan. It was, as they say, a revelation--here was the silly, flamboyant, fuh-LAME-ing Mr. Reilly in a completely different persona almost unrecognizable as him. When "Jose Chung's 'From Outer Space'" led to a spin-off Darin Morgan-written episode of the dreary Millennium that saw the end of the character, I was saddened. In retrospect, I was glad to see Jose Chung go out with a bang rather than become a tired recurring character like the Lone Gunmen. Toward the end of his life he wrote and starred in an award-winning autobiographical show call The Life of Reilly that I wish I'd caught. Or known existed. But that's the kind of relationship he and I had.

So g'night, Jose Chung. Here's hoping you and the trolls of Central Park are enjoying cigars and martinis at the pearly gates.

Corythosaurus: Now with Image Scanning

2007-05-12T14:59:00.000-07:00

Our neighbor John was setting a bunch of stuff out on the walk with a "free" sign, including a nice little scanner that I snapped up. This is a bigger deal for Corythosaurus's sister site, Seattle Under Siege!, but we're celebrating the awesome of free peripherals with this first scan from the new equipment.

I've had this picture of S.P. on my desk for a while, always meant to scan it, and never had the chance. For more about S.P. Miskowski and her new play Daughters of Catastrophe, hit the links at the top of this page.

Friday Cat Blogging with Ripley & Remo

2007-05-11T09:17:00.000-07:00

I probably have too much time on my hands since hitting that deadline...

And the Winner is...McGough!

2007-05-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

Crossed the finish line with a few minutes to spare. Mr. McGough finished a few hours ahead and actually got a good night's sleep, but that's just how I roll. If I'm not wrapping it up and mailing it off at 7 AM on a workday, during which I will then zombie my way through until I can return home and slip into sleep's warm embracing warming embrace, then I ain't writin'.

But I don't have to tell you that. And I certainly don't need to tell Bill. Since we ventured into the ancient past for our last Shatneriffic video, it only seems appropriate to venture into the slightly less ancient past for the big finish. Note the shiny new "computer graphics" in the opening titles and especially note that Hooker has moved from a pair of car hoods and an airplane wing to jumping from a helicopter and onto a speeding speedboat!

EDIT: This was originally entitled "And the Winner is...Me!" because, in the exhilaration of hitting the deadline, I felt as if I had "won" a "race" of some "kind." But then I actually looked at what I wrote and realized by any estimation, McGough "won" in terms of both word count--which I'll endeavor to make up for in the second draft, by gum--and in terms of crossing this so-called Finnish Line, which I assume is somewhere in the vicinity of Espoo. Not that it's a contest, except it is.

Big Crunch Weekend

2007-05-04T19:56:00.000-07:00

This is it. Last possible weekend to work on this deadline. Got enough cigarettes to get through tomorrow, at least. Got a shiny new French press and a little bit of the birthday bourbon left for when the coffee doesn't keep them words a-flowin'. Got the D. Got a good chair, and a solid re-re-re-revised outline.

Just need a little something to kick things off right. Bill? Got anything for me?

Happy Birthday, Spencer

2007-05-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

My nephew Spencer (the slightly taller pirate on the left, with his brother Brady) turns 10 today. I recommend ye all keep a firm grip on yer booty lest ye be pillaged and/or looted by the Dread Pirates Saavedra. Gar!

More Cat Blogging

2007-04-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

Because Bayliss has got to represent.

Cat Blogging

2007-04-29T13:30:00.000-07:00

It must be Friday somewhere. Remo certainly thinks so.

Yeah, But What Is It?

2007-04-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

Much has been made of the Gliese 581c, a potential "Super-Earth" which I'm told by the Internets orbits a red dwarf star named Gliese 581. It's some 20 light-years from what will no doubt soon be called "Regular-Earth" in all of our textbooks and, indeed, in our hearts. And since we have safe light-speed travel in our popular fiction and entertainment, it's safe to say we'll soon build such technology to travel to Gliese 581C to explore this strange new world and figure out how to spread freedom there. By then, the planet will probably be called something like "New Earth," "Arbusto," or (with any luck) "Ceti Alpha VI."

This last begs the question: Isn't that name taken? Perhaps it is. Clearly we have a responsibility to first ascertain whether we already know plenty about this so-called Gliese 581c. And that means determining whether this planet has actually already been depicted in science fiction. Specifically science fiction movies or television. Even more specifically, science fiction movies or television I've watched. And maybe some comic-book planets. Perhaps planets from a video game or two. But that's it, okay? This is science, damn it.

The Gliese 581 system is in our galaxy, so that rules out any extragalactic planets--that means for the sake of argument I'm ruling out Star Wars worlds that are by definition situated in a galaxy rather far away. Besides, that's SPACE FANTASY! or so Marvel Comics always told me.

For that matter, there's no way I'm going through all supplemental materials to figure out where these places I'm talking about are supposed to be. I just don't have that kind of time. I've narrowed it down to a few possibilities. Most of those links go to spoilers, by the way, so if you don't know who won the epic contest between Mork and the Fonz, beware. Speaking of which, first up is....

Ork
A distinct possibility. Orkans were, if memory serves, physically superior to humans (had Mork not fought against the indefinable mystic power of Fonzie's thumb, and simply slugged the Earth champion, he might well have conquered the planet back in the '50s). If Gliese 581c is egg-shaped, I say this is a slam-dunk.

Romulus
Ah, but if this is Romulus, where's Remus? Eh? Eeeeeh?

The Algae Planet
Certainly the most likely contender on the list. I have a feeling that a place orbiting such a crappy star (no offense to Gliese 581, but she's probably seen better eons) would have an equally crappy environment suitable really only for stuff like algae. And perhaps delicious candy.

A Really Fat Budong
Heh. "Budong."

Reach
It's certainly close enough to be Reach. Note that all I know about Reach is gleaned from a half-remembered Halo novel, and not The Fall of Reach. But if it was Reach, then Reach-ians would all have the strength of TWO men! Certainly such specimens would not be overrun by alien religious fantatics. Unless those alien religious fanatics used that old rocket-jumping trick.

Klendathu
Maybe. But if it is, why haven't they already flattened Earth with beetle-butt bombs? Think about it. Yeah.

The Genesis Planet
Don't be ridiculous. The Genesis Planet doesn't even exist yet. Barring some sort of temporal slingshot effect, that crappy shower-curtain guy from the future on Enterprise, a temporal rift, the Xindi, Q, or unauthorized or unintended use of the Guardian of Forever, the Orb of Time, a time-travel pod, a timeship, a temporal transmitter, chroniton particles in general, or the Nexus, it's just not possible.

LV-426
Totally could be this. Will we learn in time? And if not, does that mean Paul Reiser can finally be incarcerated for his role in this future debacle?

Kobol
Seems awfully close to Earth to be Kobol, but if we find pyramids or an abandoned opera house, it could well be.

Vogsphere
A truly terrifying possibility, and one that we would be wise not to overlook. Is the coming of the hyperspace bypass inevitable? I say we can't take the chance.

Caladan
If we find oceans on Gliese 581, this one cannot be discounted. Indeed, we should begin settlement immediately. Property values on Caladan are going to be astronomical, what with all those cool gothic-y castles and waterfront property.

Oa
Not a chance. Everyone knows Oa is at the center of the galaxy. Yeesh.

Arnessk
Man, I hope not. Eidelons give me the screamin' willies.

The Ball Homeworld
If we do not fight the Balls there, they will bounce all the way back here, take all of our jobs and all of the good places to live...in short, they'd roll all over us. The Balls must be thoroughly licked, and we must begin work on the anti-Ball technology immediately.

Terra
Why not? Randy Mantooth has to have gone somewhere. I haven't seen him in ages, but you can't swing a dead daggit without hitting Kevin Tighe.

Bajor
Just doesn't feel right. I'm pretty sure I saw Bajor's sun a few times, and it didn't look anything like a red dwarf. Then again, it's worth keeping an eye out for wormholes. A shortcut to the Gamma Quadrant would be worth it.

New Caprica
What are you, crazy? If this was New Caprica, wouldn't it be surrounded by a nebula that completely screws up Cylon DRADIS? Now don't you feel stupid?

Akir
You know, from Battle Beyond the Stars? Hello? This thing on?

Rimmerworld
Entirely possible, should the psi-moon that became Rimmerworld were to fall into some kind of encounter with a white hole.

Krypton
Oh, come on. Krypton blew up years ago. Even at 20 light-years distant, we would have seen it kerplode.

The Draconian Homeworld
Though I don't believe it was ever visited or depicted on Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, the Draconians had to live someplace, right? Someplace with lots of Tigermen, presumably. We already know these Draconians will attempt to destroy us some 500 years hence--what are we waiting for? Make peace with the bird people, give the mutants some public housing, and get on the horn to Doc Huer already!

Krankor
I'll let Phantom of Krankor make his own case. Only a fool stands in the way of Krankor.

Lorwyn Book I Cover

2007-04-27T12:52:00.000-07:00

Amazon has a cover image up for book 1 in the Lorwyn cyle, the first entry in the new set Scott McGough and I are writing (currently we're hard at work on the book 2). Note that the image on Amazon is an early version. I expect it's not the final version, especially the byline.

Here's a home-made corrected version I made for kicks. My apologies to the cover artist, I could not find a name to credit.

The Ravnica Trailer

2007-04-27T01:45:00.000-07:00

Facing a Lorwyn deadline, so it must be time for a delicious and (for me) ego-boosting video post lest the sheer awesome of S.P. Miskowski's Daughters of Catastrophe completely overwhelm the blog, if not the world.

I wrote the narration and scene descriptions for this trailer Wizards used to help introduce the Ravnica cycle a year or so back. It's narrated by Michael Dorn, meaning I've pretty much peaked and am coasting from here on out.

No idea how it got onto YouTube.

S.P. Miskowski Writes Plays Full of Yelling Women

2007-04-24T01:40:00.000-07:00

What can I say, I'm a fan.

S.P. also posts excerpts from her fiction on her blog, Daughters of Catastrophe (that's the title of her upcoming play) and links to some of her short stories online.

She's been posting sequential pieces from a new, scary (and scary-good) story about a woman named Darcy who encounters trouble on a lonely forest road. Go read 'em.

Picked the Wrong Week to Stop...

2007-04-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

So I went to the doctor the other day and learned:

A) My coat weighs about 12 pounds and my ego would appreciate if I did not wear it the next time I stepped onto a fancy doctor scale.

B) They have to shave your chest to get an EKG.

C) If it feels like a heart attack, it might just mean your stomach has decided to move on up, Jeffersons-like, into a deluxe apartment above the sternum, where your esophagus rightly claims precedence.

D) Said condition can lead to a disease that I had previously thought invented by a cabal of pharmaceutical companies, acid reflux.

E) After one last Willie Nelson's Peach Cobbler vs. Stephen Colbert's American Dream throwdown (already "in the can," as it were) I'm going to cut back on the iced cream reviews.

But the worst, the absolute worst, is that I have to cut back on my coffee intake. Coffee and the demon that walks like Camel (Light) are the two crutches that leave my hands free to type. I have a long-term plan to deal with the smoking (that is, I'll quit...in the long term. When I hit the next deadline, with any luck.) But the coffee is something I can theoretically get by without, not being quite as addictive, or so I'd always assumed. And even though caffeine is apparently also A Thing I Have To Do Without, screw that noise. There is caffeine in less acidic beverages--green tea, for example. And really, a pot and a half is just silly, and the fancy Cuban coffee joint down the street is a bit pricey.

But it just ain't the same. I reckon I'll cut back a bit, maybe get that pot and a half down to a cup and a half, with maybe another half or three as needed. Slow and steady wins the race. And thanks to the fact I live in the good ol' U.S. of A., I have roughly 73,000 different heartburn medications to choose from.

Daisey, Meet Crazy.

2007-04-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

S.P. just sent me this article at the Gothamist containing a YouTube video from a recent Mike Daisey monologue at the American Rep. Mike's...well, not really a friend, I don't know him that well and doubt he'd be able to pick me out of a line-up. But we have mutual friends (like Cory Nealy, the Evil Cory) and used to work in the same theatrical circles. I was on Mike's mailing list back in September 2001, and got back in touch with him for a while when he was emailing folks in real time about his experiences in NYC the day the towers fell. The guy's a brilliant monologist (monologuist? monologian?) and his shows are like watching a really energetic Spalding Gray who's, you know, my age. He got a lot of press for his one-man show based on his experiences working at Amazon.com, 21 Dog Years.

This is all preamble to yet another video link. Mike was recently performing his new show Invincible Summer when a strange, bizarre, and freaky event occured. Seems some self-proclaimed Christians (denominational loyalties as yet unknown--yes, I'm know there are Christians who aren't intolerant idiots, but the intolerant idiots happen to be awfully loud these days) bought up a grundle of tickets for the sole purpose of walking out en masse in the middle of the performance, and in the process destroyed Mike's original notes for his show (he works off of those notes instead of a script, as he points out). And rather than show the courage of their convictions, they appear to have all squirreled their way out of the theatre after bravely storming a lone, seated man onstage and physically attacking his work. What would Jesus do? According to these courageous souls, Jesus would pour water on your notes without even the common courtesy of turning it into wine.

Those alleged Christians are quite lucky, I think, that Mike Daisey is such a class act. Just watch (and be aware some of the monologue leading into the March of the Living Idiots contains language that's probably NSFW, unless you work for Paris Hilton).

Drive

2007-04-16T08:47:00.000-07:00

I like it, while your mileage may vary. (Ha! Get it? Get it?!) It's half Amazing Race, half Lost, half 100 Bullets, half Cannonball Run, and half The Prisoner. That's a lot of halves.

Any show that features Charles Martin Smith as the mysterious "Smoking Man" type guy is worth a few hours of your time. Just beware the soundtrack, which alternates between decent cover songs and some seriously emo whine-rock. I even like how Fox is handling the premiere (which isn't something you'll hear me say too often) by stretching it over two nights. Check it out.

(For the record, clearly we're all meant to be rooting for the space cowboy to win the race, but if I were a betting man my money would be on the potentially homicidal Minivan Mom. Never let her walk behind you.)

God Bless You, Mr. Vonnegut

2007-04-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

So it goes.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

1922-2007

Photo by Peter Yang

PEEEEEPS!

2007-04-08T14:18:00.000-07:00

Peeps. Is there anything that they can't do, except be food?

Back to the Grindstone

2007-04-08T12:54:00.000-07:00

Would that it were the Grindhouse, but nope. I'm talking about words what need the smithing.

Scott McGough and I have a deadline rapidly approaching that's coinciding with one at the day job, so my furious spate of blogging is likely to slow for a bit. We're deep into Book 2 of the Lorwyn block and things are cooking right along -- things I can't talk about, naturally, but Things all the same.

I can talk a little more about Pirates of the Burning Sea, however. We're hitting that -- and pardon the starry-eyed nature of the following -- magical point at which the game is becoming a Game. I get to play it every day, and the changes that have been wrought on things that I fortunately have nothing to do with are nothing short of beautiful. Little things that didn't quite work right when I came on a year ago are not smooth and functional, big things that could have been improved a bit were instead overhauled, redesigned, and made spectacular. I've never worked with a harder-working group of people. And yet we still can spend lunch arguing the strategies for zombie warfare, concocting gastronomic military euphemisms involving General Tso/Tsao/Gau and his infamous Safeway chicken recipe, pasting a convention photo of the community guy's head onto any unlucky meme that hits the office email (and FLS has no shortage of meme-mail, most of it both funny and disturbing), and the usual debates concerning the Sopranos, Star Wars, Deadwood, Rome, Trek, BSG or Street Fighter.

Seriously, only lunch. We're busy there in ConCo.

Back to Lorwyn Book 2. This is both the most exhilerating and terrifying stage of co-writing, I'm finding. The ideas are coming fast and furious, but when you have two people writing simultaneously, the seams really show in that first draft. Fortunately, it's just the first draft. At the same time, we finished our final edits on book 1 and sent it off to the editors at Wizards. If all goes according to plan, you will see Lorwyn Book 1 at the end of August 2007. It helped a bit to go over book 1 one more time, especially to see how smooth the transitions from my writing to Scott's writing turned out. And really, but the end all of the text is the result of combined efforts since we edit and revise each other's stuff quite a bit. I had trouble remembering who had written exactly what, and I figure that must be a good thing.

Until Lorwyn Book 1 hits the shelves, may I recommend Scott McGough's Time Spiral cycle? They're some great reads. And the more of his books you buy, the less Scott has to sleep on my doorstep. I know the nights are getting warmer, but he lost three toes over the winter. Have a heart. It's Easter.

I Saw Hot Fuzz and Bullitt

2007-04-07T21:57:00.000-07:00

On April 2nd, S.P. and I were able to get into the Varsity Theater in the U-District to catch a double feature of Hot Fuzz and Bullitt. Not necessarily in that order. And before I go any further, yes go see it and no don't watch any of the trailers or they're ruin some of the best jokes. True of any trailer, but this being only the second major motion movie (to my knowledge) from Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg, you serve yourself well by waiting until you can enjoy the entire thing.

The Proto-Mitchell
Bullitt was actually the warm-up picture, as one might imagine. Now I know this movie's a classic, but as someone who'd only seen the rightfully famous car chase scene before (and I may have had it confused with something from The Thomas Crown Affair) I'm here to tell you (whether it's blasphemy or not) that the pacing of action films has come a long way in the three-plus decades since this movie was released. When stuff is happening, it's engrossing. McQueen is fascinating to watch when he's just standing there, but golly does he stand there a lot. Which brings me to the unsung brilliance of Bullitt: The Telecopier scene. Or maybe it's sung, and I just never heard of it. But man alive, is that some gripping filmmaking. For what seems like hours, but is probably closer to days, Steve McQueen and company stare at a late 60's fax machine, which slowly, slowly, ever-so-dear-god-hurry-up slowly receives...a fax.

Fortunately for you, no one on YouTube has posted the Telecopier scene, or if they have I couldn't find it. Just imagine a half-dozen guys standing around staring at an object that oddly resembled Bender's dismembered and decapitated torso.

Post-Game Show
Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz director Edgar Wright, who is the coolest hobbit on Earth (dude's just tiny, and I'm only 5'5" myself, understand) introduced Bullitt, but for the main event he brought out Simon Pegg and Nick Frost to welcome the audience in a strangely MST-like silhouette (house lights didn't come up until the movie was finished). They'd just been to a Mariners game--Opening Day, actually--and the Mariners had won. The audience reaction was strangely muted, but probably because many of us had been in line for much of the afternoon. And we'd believed a Steve McQueen could fax. Perhaps sensing the Mariners line of attack was not tracking with the proudly nerd-tacular audience (present company very much included, of course) they introduced the film without further ado (that I remember).

I suppose the following is very mild spoilers, but nothing really specific.

In Which Your Host Bloviates and Opinionates
Hot Fuzz is a brilliant, multi-level parody that scores direct hits 95% of the time, and even the rare weak gags provide foundations for better material later in the film. The primary target is the kick-ass cop action movie--which is exactly the type of movie Edgar Wright is born to direct. As in SotD it all seems to come from deep love of the movies that inspired this one, from Supercop to Bad Boys II to, well, Shaun of the Dead in an hilarious little bit that's been spoiled, unfortunately, since the first trailer. But just as SotD was a great zombie movie, so is this a great action movie, even as it makes with the really damned funny.

A second level of parody might be entirely my imagination, but I don't think I'm too far off the mark. The small village setting is a dead ringer for Midsomer Murders, a long-running BBC series based on the Inspector Barnaby novels. It's kind of like Law & Order crossed with Murder, She Wrote by way of Agatha Christie, and seems to be on a course to run at least as long as both of those series. The village murder mystery is not new, and Wright is, for all I know, drawing on everything from Poirot to Sherlock Holmes, but the locations in Hot Fuzz have also appeared as Badger's Drift, or I'm Nico Bentley.

Unfortunately, I got brain freeze during the after-show Q&A, so I didn't get a chance to ask.

So here's the thing--I'm not going to say much more about it specifics-wise, except to urge you to avoid watching any movie trailers for Hot Fuzz. Just wait, and go see it on opening day. Make it the biggest moneymaker of the year, because it deserves it and its hilarious and wonderful and everything movies should be. This movie, more than any I've seen in a long time, demands to be viewed sight-unseen for maximum impact.

And oh yes, it is violent. A lot more violent than you'd expect, until you remember the whole thing with the zombies and the cricket bats and the flesh-eating and so forth in their last movie. Gloriously over-the-toply violent--and that's just the murders. (I'm not really giving anything away to say there's murders, plural. Really.)

A last note from the Q&A: Someone asked when Spaced would be appearing on DVD in the States, and unfortunately it's tied up due to music copyright issues, Wright said. He couldn't say when they'd appear. And that is why true fanboys purchase, rent, or make good friends with owners of region-free DVD players. Which, now that I look at it, have gotten irritatingly affordable. Thanks a lot, Scarecrow.

Closer?!
Since I'm morally opposed to showing you any trailers for Hot Fuzz on the grounds it may lessen your enjoyment of its brilliance, I humbly offer two more videos: One, another take on the Bullitt car chase...

And the other, a collage of gripping (and perhaps not entirely safe for work if you have noisy speakers) scenes from a remake of another film that I place here on the thin justification that Edward Woodward was in both Hot Fuzz and the original Wicker Man.

Please note that this establishment does not necessarily endorse remakes, bees, armed bicycle theft, or Nicolas Cage beating up on the ladies. We do most certainly endorse actually going in to an asteroid field.

World War Z: Not to be Confused with the Child Doctor of the Same Name

2007-04-07T19:06:00.000-07:00

S.P. convinced me to try out the Blogger upgrade deal, and I went a little nuts with the automatic news article generator. On the other hand, Corythosaurus is now number 24,328 in news concerning Bigfoot, Godzilla, ninjas, pirates, robots, zombies, and of course all the news that's fit to shat with the dramatic return of Shatnews featuring popular recording artist and Emmy Award-winning actor William Shatner, not pictured here.

Speaking of zombies, I just finished Max Brooks's World War Z and can't recommend it highly enough. It's an after-the-fact oral history of a worldwide battle (natch) against the zombie hordes. And since the book is written Studs Terkel-style, it's clear the humans win the war--but it's the How that's really interesting. Brooks--Son of Mel--is quite good at leaving lingering questions about the How and keeping you turning the pages until it's 7 in the morning and you have to go to work but you just have to get to the end of the chapter and maybe your boss will believe you really do have the flu this time and--

I digress. Some reviews I've read claim "nothing unusual" happens, or that it's just a "typical zombie story" told from multiple perspectives. And that's just silly. Mind you, it does seem like one of those things that immediately makes you wish you'd thought of it, one of those things you'll kick yourself for not thinking of before Brooks did. And sure, there are some awkward bits of dialogue--though they are surprisingly few. And at times the way Brooks describes real people in his book without ever naming names (including, but not limited to: Howard Dean, Colin Powell, Paris Hilton, and either Nelson Mandela or Desmond Tutu, if I'm guessing right) gets a little overdone. Especially odd considering that at one point a veteran soldier of Brooks's zombie war recollects finding himself in the line of battle beside Michael Stipe. But those are minor annoyances in what's probably the most comprehensively considered analysis of a "real-world" zombie apocalypse I've ever read. This isn't just a band of people holed up in a mall, house, or even a tower. There are individual stories that hit upon those old chestnuts in creative new ways, but what emerges is a lot more than that. It's got a little Ender's Game going on--the war planning and strategy, the threat of certain annihilation--and at times the apocalyptic angle really called to mind Battlestar Galactica as well. If you haven't read it, pick up a copy. In hardback. If you don't, you won't be able to be a big, fat know-it-all when the movie comes out. So many things no one in the movies ever thinks about: how do you retake a place the size of the U.S. away from millions upon millions of zombies? Can islands or water really protect you from things that don't need to breathe? Whither toilet paper and donuts? How long does it take a zombie to walk from China to Japan across the ocean floor?

The audiobook is also a wonder: the cast includes Mark Hamill, Henry Rollins, Alan Alda, both of the Reiners, and the proverbial "a lot more." Unfortunately, it covers maybe half of the actual printed book, so I say get 'em both. You don't want to miss Rollins as the private security contractor at home of the Last Celebrities On Earth, but you don't want to miss Siberian zombie wars or fighting the armies of undead in the foul sewers of Paris.

Finally, while I haven't dug into it just yet, it's worth nothing that World War Z is a sequel of sorts to the Zombie Survival Guide, which is played very straight as a non-fiction "civilian safety manual." Personally, I'd read Z first and the manual second--more surprises that way.

Thanks, Max Brooks, you magnificent bastard. As a writer I do wish I'd thought of it first, but as a reader I'm much happier that you did.

I'd Bet Cubits to Donuts Adama's a Cylon

2007-03-28T21:34:00.000-07:00

Seriously. That's my sealed-envelope prediction.

Deadline Met II: The Transformed Man

2007-02-15T22:03:00.003-08:00

So Scott McG and I just finished, more or less, the second draft of the first book in our first co-written set of Magic novels. This is the same unnamed book I was working on before, but now it's got a name. I can't say much else about it (wait, did I say anything?) except that it's named after the card set upon which it was based.

The first book is always the hardest to get through. It changes you, you learn from the experience. I guess you could say I feel somewhat . . . transformed.

A Transformed Man, if you will. And I will.

Reading "Daughters"

2006-12-09T19:02:00.000-08:00

We're holding a reading of S.P. Miskowski's new play, Daughters of Catastrophe, tomorrow here at home. It's "An intelligent and twisted comedy that reflects the social, political and personal implications of living in our often amoral times."

I'm going to help fill out the reading cast. I don't think as one of the titular daughters, but you never know.

Iced Cream Review: Ben & Jerry's Fossil Fuel

2006-12-03T09:45:00.000-08:00

Having wrapped up a big deadline (for an as-yet-unannounced project) and in need of sugar-driven power to finish the next one, I happened upon this new selection at our local, over-priced Broadway grocery. In a fit of inspiration, I chose the iced cream that seemed to have the most in common with the name of this blog.

A pleasant surprise, the Fossil Fuel flavor does not actually contain petroleum or petroleum by-products (unless "delicious" is a by-product). It certainly fills the mental gas tank and powers the emergency generator of creativity. It does, however, take a little time to figure out what exactly you're getting.

For the record, the ingredients: Sweet cream ice cream with chocolate cookie pieces, fudge dinosaurs, and a fudge swirl.

I'm not sure what the difference is between sweet cream ice cream and the normal vanilla variety B&J do so well, except it didn't immediately taste as sweet. In fact, the first bite reminded me of one of those sugar-free faux frozen treats that are supposed to keep dieters from making midnight runs to 7-11. So I guess the "sweet cream" isn't really as sweet as all that, and it does float to the top.

After that initial mild disappointment, things improved exponentially with each spoonful. Once past the weird, somewhat bland "sweet cream effect" (like the butterfly effect, but creamier and with less Ashton Kutcher) I hit my first vein of fudge swirl. And my friends, this fudge swirl makes it all work. The cookie pieces are fine, your basic chocolate cookie; the dino-fudge thingies too are fine, though Vermont's finest ice cream makers might want to consider figuring out a way to justify the name of a product that *doesn't* include the chocolate equivalent of a nametag (I refer you to the chocolate cows in their Vermonty Python flavor).

But that fudge swirl? Damn. Well played, Ben. Kudos, Jerry.

Somehow, combined with the other ingredients, the fudge swirl immediately tastes like a hot fudge sundae, the really simple but perfect kind you remember from childhood (at least, I do, I was a fat little kid). If anything, I wanted more of that and less of the cookies and the choco-dinos.

You know what would wrap up this nicely? Some scores, based on a scale of one to ten.

Ingredients: 6
Sweet cream? I don't know what that is, it's ice cream, it should be sweet anyway, yeah? Cookies? Good, but uninspired. Ditto for the chocolate--excuse me, *fudge*--dinosaurs. But that fudge swirl makes it all work.

Flavor: 8
Thanks to the fudge, what began as a "meh" experience became a thrilling blast from the flavor past.

Packaging: 5
I dig the dino-teeth, but it would have been so much cooler to see an actual dinosaur. Or an oil rig. Or a dinosaur eating ice cream atop an oil rig.

Overall (Not necessarily an average): 7
Remember, in the relative world of iced cream ranking, you have to try really hard to make iced cream taste bad. But can you make it taste not just good, but spectacular? That's the challenge. I had my doubts at first, but thanks to a rich vein of fudgy goodness, the boys from Vermont were able to remind me of ice cream sundaes and birthday parties when I least expected it. A solid 7.

Deadline Met

2006-11-26T13:31:00.000-08:00

And very nearly on the deadline, too. I'm beat, but this oft-seen and -imitated number exemplifies how good it feels to be done within fudge range (i.e., it was due on the 20th, but our editor, the gracious and saintly Susan J. Morris, granted us the Thanksgiving weekend, and it all worked out).
Take it away, Bill.

Route 66

2006-11-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

Introducing the official mascot of Corythosaurus, my middle nephew, Mr. Brayden "Brady" Saavedra. This year, Brady chose a Halloween costume that spoke to the importance of the American highway in the development of 20th Century culture. Or perhaps he was illustrating one of the terrifying causes of global warming, a chilling Halloween apparition of the 21st. Or, and I think this is the case, he digs the song.

The reflective lane dividers? Functional and safety conscious. Those cars careening into Brady's armpits? Totally going to manage to careen back onto the road. Halloween magic, my friends, just in time for Thanksgiving.

Deadlines

2006-11-19T23:40:00.000-08:00

They make me cry and drink and cry in my drink.

But then again, better than not having them at all, better by far. The first major iron in the fire is a first draft of my first attempt at outright collaborative writing with Mr. Scott McGough. We're both used to charging for the finish line with a first draft, but now we're charging out of sequence and its requiring staggering feats of frequent electronic communication.

Second big iron is Pirates of the Burning Sea. Jess Lebow and I and the rest of the Pirates content department were joined by Chris Pramas. Chris rules. The department, hereafter known as ConCo, is furiously generating the words and storylines that will make up the life of a seafaring captain. Been spending a lot of time peering at maps of Bermuda and concocting (hopefully) nifty naval encounters.

I don't know if anyone's reading this blog but my mom (hi, Mom), but just in case, that explains the dearth of posts lately.

Voicing Pirates

2006-09-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

So I volunteered to help with voices and audio on Pirates of the Burning Sea, and yesterday we hit the studio to record incidental dialogue and what the sound engineer calls "exerts"--sound effects that play during avatar combat (duels, swordplay, and the like). And as is often the case, I didn't *just* get to skip a day of work to hang out in the recording studio and eat a free cheeseburger--I also learned a few things, too.

1) I only have the one pirate voice, and he's a combination of Steve the Pirate from the movie "Dodgeball" and the sea captain from the Simpsons.

2) My "proper English" voice bounces back and forth between Patrick Stewart and Jeeves.

3) Improvising in a Spanish or French accent is really hard.

4) The sound you make when you toss sand in someone's eyes is very similar to the sound you make when you get slashed across the cheek.

5) Everyone's favorite sound effect was the "I've just been stabbed in the eye" sound.

MTGCast Interview is Live

2006-09-20T08:48:00.000-07:00

Hey, all y'all (my friend from Alabama says that's the appropriate way to refer to more than one person, y'all being singular) Dom has got the interview up on the newly revamped MTGCast site. It's an hour and a half of pure Cory goodness. Enjoy, won't you?

And if you dig the Magic cards, check out the rest of the MTGCast podcasts, which feature charming people who are much better at playing Magic than I am.

Iced Cream Review: Ben & Jerry's American Pie

2006-09-10T02:32:00.000-07:00

I've enjoyed my share of fine iced creams (as should be apparent) and rarely have I been let down by the two Gentlemen of Vermont. Now on some level it's impossible to be truly "let down" by ice cream, I mean, it's ice cream, and Ben and Jerry do it well. But there's something(s) literally missing in their American Pie limited flavor.

It's exactly what it says--apple pie-flavored ice cream with chunks of apple pie--but come, Ben, Jerry, you're Ben and Jerry. You don't just put apple pie and ice cream together and call it a limited edition. Humankind has been doing that for at least three years, if not longer. I guess I'm looking for more. Crunchy cobbler-type stuff mixed in with the pie. Swirls of cinnamon-caramel. I dunno, Frosted Flakes. The carefully-rationed ashes of Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper. Okay, not that. But something.

Apparently, a percentage of proceeds from the American Pie flavor go to a reading program or programs, so by all means buy it for that if you like, but if you're looking for an iced cream worthy of the Van Gogh-like creative madness that gave us Chubby Hubby, you'd be better off sending the kids a check and hitting that Phish Food.

MTGCast Interview

2006-09-09T02:42:00.000-07:00

Dom over at MTGCast interviewed me this morning about the Ravnica books, writing, deadlines, and keeping cinemas open on Christmas, among other things. He said it should be up on or around Tuesday, September 12.

Hit the MTGCast link over on the right to see what Dom and his gang of scrappy, troubled loners get up to.

It Means "Helmet Lizard."

2006-09-09T01:39:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Corythosaurus. I'm Cory Herndon, and when I was five years old I discovered I was named after a dinosaur.

I write things, and I intend to write more things here as time allows. During the day, I write about pirates for this game, and put words in their mouths. You'd think it would be all Yarrring and Yo-Hoing, but it turns out pirates say things between those words occasionally. Until a few months ago, I did much the same thing on this other game.

By nights and weekends, I write fiction, including the Magic: the Gathering Ravnica trilogy, and this, and this, and some other things. I've got a website where you can find links to all of those, as well as leftovers from when I was trying to do all of this with clumsy tools I didn't really understand. This is so much easier.

I'm not sure what this blog's going to focus on yet, but I'm thinking I might ramble on about comic books, what I'm working on, what I'm watching, what I'm playing, and if you're very unlucky, what I'm eating.

Speaking of which, today was a Dick's Deluxe and 2 cheese for lunch, and then S.P. cooked sole and green beans for dinner washed down with a Fat Tire. I don't usually eat breakfast.

Tonight's feature was The Ladykillers with Alec Guiness and the evening will soon conclude with some Enchanted Arms. Fine game, if you enjoy the classic, linear, Japanese RPG style, with all the weirdness and turn-based hijinks that come with it. But funny as it is, it can't beat the Ladykillers. Yet.